Oh no, oh woe, some thieving git
Has done a runner with St Nick!
For seven Noëls Santa’s survived,
Tied to the gate at the end of our drive,
Stoically, he’s clung on there
Fixing passers-by with his manic stare.
But someone’s done some St Nick nicking –
A strange Christmas spirit’s alive and kicking.
Freaky though he was, China’s best,
Our Santa with green mitts and specs,
And head that turned 360 degrees,
A kind of Christmassy Chucky –
We’ll miss him hanging on our gate
In snow and wind, early and late.
It’s not Noël without him there
Our poor old gate looks really bare.
So, before I become a total ranter,
I’m off to buy a replacement Santa.
This time we’ll wire him into position
And stuff him full of ammunition!